Fritz at fort Mason

Mom has had me going all over the place. The last few days I have been romping around to various parks- Ft. Mason near the Golden Gate bridge and Red Rock Park near the rental (the one with the high views.) Just yesterday we hit Ghirardelli Square. It was dangerous for me, I know! I tried to snag a lick of Mom’s carrot cake cupcake but no such luck. We did fall into an audition for the Milk-bone Moment Contest! There’s $100,000 for the winner. I really think I have a good shot at it. I really hammed it up for the photographer. I even tried to wink at him a few times. Mom’s worried the stardom and $100,000 winner check will go to my head but I disagree.  I will be very levelheaded with my winnings. Perhaps take my girlfriend Kiki to Maui first, then purchase a lifetime supply of pigs ears and bully sticks, then invest a little for my (and hopefully Kiki’s) retirement. I’m sure we’ll buy some cute condo near a lot of parks and just hang out and chase squirrels and birds all day. Ah, the life. Hopefully our condo building will have some poodles, labraoodles, and golden retrievers- we seem to all just get along well. Those breeds seem to be low-issue types.

I have to admit it. I’ve turned into a foodie. Mom swears she’s gonna take me to the Ferry Building Farmers Market one Saturday.  I now only eat organic. I’ve started becoming a regular at the local food sustainability meetings and have joined the Dogs for Composting movement.

Fritz with organic veggies

I can’t believe I used to eat regular pestiside-laden food.  Yuck. My eyes and taste buds have been totally opened. No going back now. I guess I’ll have to fork over most of my bone-money at Whole Paycheck now. I hope I win the Milk-bone cash. That would help my cash flow needs.

Mom does a lot of reading at night so I thought I would take it up too. I sorted through the latest hot sellers for dogs at Mom’s favorite local San Francisco bookstore, Book Passages , but just couldn’t get into them. First I grabbed What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception by Scott McClellan but then on second thought figured that was pretty obvious and put it back. I finally settled on two books: The San Francisco Food Lover’s Guide and For Men only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women. I figured I’d learn a thing or two about the best kibbles in town and also about the inner life of my girlfriend Kiki so I can be a better boyfriend for when I get home to Atlanta.

Fritz as intellectual

Do you like the glasses? Do they gbring out the salt and pepper in my hair and make me look more mature and husband material for Kiki? I don’t know. They definitely add a little something.

Mom has really annoyed me.  I smell like Christmas in July. Mom read in some hair-brained ‘Green’ book that she shouldn’t use regular overpriced flea and tick treatments she buys at the vet on me every month. Apparently, CLOVES and EUCALYPTUS OIL mixed together and rubbed all over me works better and apparently doesn’t cause cancer as much as the old stuff- I admit a big plus. But, can you imagine?  I think I scare the neighbors. When I go out on my daily walks, I feel like I should walk down the street barking Ho! Ho! Ho! Oh, well. Mom’s looking out for my best interest I guess.  Signing Off- Fritzy Claus

Let’s see. Let’s quickly go through the checklist. Do I have my best shameless “aw, come on, bring me too” face to guilt Mom into bringing me along? Check. Did I run down the stairs to block the door or quickly sneak out if Mom’s not fast enough to catch me? Check.  Did I not let Mom out of my sight for even a second? Check. Bingo! She got the message. Harness is on. I’m in.

We hit the road. By the backseat window, I push my face into the wind. Ginger, soy sauce and salt air whip through my nostrils as we cruise through the Inner Sunset toward the beach. We drive a little longer than usual . The salt air and seagulls are killing me! I’m ready for the beach. Bark! Bark! Come on Mom, let’s go here! Hold on. Detour. Mom turned away from the beach and up the hill. What the hell is she doing? Let’s hit the beach, Mom! The car is turning in somewhere.  Sign says Fort Funston. Doesn’t look familiar. We park. Whatever. Let’s go! Leaping out of the car, I’m ready. Bring it on, birds! I’m onto you all! They taunt me everywhere I look. Heaven! Let the games begin.

Those birds over there are huge! I overheard Mom say they are hand gliders not birds. Hum, don’t know if I buy it. They look like birds to me. Bark! Bark!

I’m sorry for the delay in writing but with so many new scents out here in California it has been distracting. Ruff! Sorry, a seagull flew by my window in front of my computer as I type this.

The cross country drive was amazing! We hit Memphis, Oklahoma (yuck) then Santa Fe (high dog friendly marks- especially the ElDorado Hotel) and then Flagstaff (boy was it cold!) then LA. LA had lots of birds on the beach in Santa Monica. I loved it. If there weren’t so many homeless people there it would have been my favorite stop. I got lots of love and rubs from people on the street. It was the first car trip I have taken in my new booster seat so I gazed out at the changing terrain the whole time. I love California! My mom has taken me everywhere. You guys wouldn’t believe the hills in San Francisco- they are a killer! My right back leg is having patella issues but hopefully after some more dog aspirin it should be crankin away again. No worries though- my mom took me to the vet- apparently the vet was super cute because I could tell mom liked him. Maybe I will start limping again and we will have to go back. My mom, I think, would like that. Note to self.

I have just signed up for my first anesthesia-free dog teeth cleaning. They have them everywhere around here. I hope it doesn’t hurt. I want to be kissable sweet for Kiki when I return. Good teeth care is essential for keeping cute girlfriends. There were 30 other dogs signed up so it can’t be all that bad. Also, it’s a lot less bone money than seeing the vet for a cleaning – that apparently runs 500-600 bones!

Mom and I went over the Golden Gate bridge today to Marin county and had a picnic in the park. Mom bought me a great natural treat which I promptly chewed at the park passing the day away watching some hippies while she ate her Mediterranean veggie sandwich with banana peppers. Anyway, hope you guys (and gals) are holding down the neighborhood while I’m gone. Stay away from those dogs with issues- wink! wink! -you know the ones I mean. Stay cool!

Fritz “Nor Cal” Haverkampf
Author of the new dog book and audio CD: Livin’ Doggie Style! How to Reach the Doggie Status and Lifestyle You’ve Only Dreamed Of, Modern Dog and Bark Magazine’s 2008 Book Of the Year! (don’t I wish!)

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